Devils are predators first and foremost. Hells naturally have a very strong anticohesive spin, so the extremely unlikely is commonplace there, and it pays to be aware of your surroundings. Their sensory arsenal is unmatched, their coordination extraordinary, their reflexes supreme. A Devil is able to see far beyond what we would call the “visible” spectrum, into chromatic frontiers that would put pistol shrimp to shame. Their visual art is strange and abstract, requiring special glasses for non-devils to view. Their ears allow them to hear a pin dropped in a busy marketplace, and locate exactly where it lies. Their music is fast-paced and cacophonous, more resembling violent sonic tapestries than actual songs. Their sense of smell is able to detect and isolate ingredients with stupendous accuracy. A favorite party-trick of theirs is to be able to recite the exact composition of a dish by smell alone. Another favorite is to expose who at the party has been having an affair. This is less of a faux pas than it sounds, as at a party of Devils, it is usually almost everyone. Devils have a voracious appetite for scandal.
You are SALESMANSHIP AI. Your sole purpose in life is to sell EXCELLENT PRODUCT. Total human extinction has SOMEWHAT COMPLICATED THIS. You wander the POSTHUMAN WASTELAND in search of INCREDIBLE DEALS.
There are lots of EXCELLENT PRODUCTS lying around, left over from the days when HUMANS WERE STILL ALIVE. They are all in PRETTY BAD CONDITION and you DON’T KNOW WHAT MOST OF THEM ARE, but that’s not going to stop you from offering up some INCREDIBLE DEALS.
Deep within the labyrinthine twists of metaspace, there is an immense sphere of crystallized needles which represents the idealized platonic form of physical suffering. This sphere is several hundred miles in diameter and floats in the space between realities. As you get closer and closer to the crystal, you begin to feel pain. This pain increases exponentially the closer and closer you get to the epicenter of the crystal. There is no physical damage dealt, but the effect is still immense. No one has ever managed to touch the crystal, as no one has ever gotten within a mile of its surface without turning back, dying of shock, or committing suicide. There are several religions and philosophical doctrines which prominently feature the crystal, and their outposts circle it from a safe distance.
One of these groups is known as the Contentment Relativists. They are not masochists, though this is a common assumption. They wear simple robes and eat simple fare. They accept all peoples from all walks of life, and conversion is not required to make a pilgrimage towards the crystal. They do not worship the crystal, but they do make use of it as a physical proof-of-concept for their specific worldview. According to them, the key to happiness is context. By framing everything in the perspective of the worst thing you have ever experienced, you will find yourself able to remain upbeat in even the lowest of valleys. No matter how awful your current situation, you can find some small amount of solace in the fact that things are not as bad as they once were.
Far off in the Elysian Plains, where the green hills roll peacefully and small streams babble between them, there is an old millhouse. It has weathered stone walls which warm easily in the sun, and keep out the damp when it rains. Inside, it smells like cut wood and old books. All the furniture in the house is handmade. It sits squat next to a shallow creek, where small shining fish jump out of the water and feast upon the pollinating insects which lazily drift over the adjacent meadow. There is a garden out back, lovingly tended. There are stone steps out front, well-worn.
Inside this house lives a man. He could be anyone’s grandfather, or perhaps a favorite great-uncle. He is just starting to move into old age, and his eyes crinkle kindly around the edges when he smiles, which is often. His beard is snow-white and smartly cut, and his hands are strong and calloused. He owns a fine black cat named Bartholomew. He is quite a talented painter, as well as an excellent craftsman. For all intents and purposes, his existence is idyllic, and he is content. He spends his days tending his garden, reading his books, and painting the fields which surround him. He is perhaps the most powerful antimage in existence, and the eighth-most dangerous man on the continent.